


It's Almost Like Being In Love

by social_reject



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:29:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7363189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/pseuds/social_reject
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon entering the small jewelry shop Luke felt a surge of reality wash over him. It’d been nice in their little bubble of fake engagement. But now that they were here to replace the fake ring for their fake engagement to convince his parents of a lie, reality was a force to be reckoned with.</p><p>After a drunken posting online Luke Hemmings has found himself caught up in an intricate lie; a fake engagement to his college dorm mate, Ashton Irwin. During spring break the two must convince their families of their relationship all the while battling with interfering feelings and obstacles of secrets and pasts that are bound to catch up to them. Through the trials and tribulations of the lies and secrets, the two may find happiness within each other. Not every lie is completely devoid of truth, and perhaps their "fake" feelings hold unspoken truths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Almost Like Being In Love

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoy this, I poured my heart and soul into this over the past few weeks and am so excited to post it!!!

Amidst the usual well wishes for spring break, Luke was bombarded with a query of strange looks as he walked to his last class before break officially began. One of his peers whom he’d only spoken to a handful of times around campus furrowed his eyebrows at him as he was about to pass, Luke reciprocating the look, confusion of the morning quite present. The boy pulled Luke back, a hand on his shoulder stopping him in his tracks. Luke was dead silent as the boy gazed at him curiously, Luke arching his eyebrow in a silent communication. As the boy struggled to form words quite visibly and vocally, only short starts and stops tumbling from his lips, Luke recognized him from the school’s football team. He was a running back and a damn good one at that, Luke’s roommate- a revered wide receiver for the team- had boasted about him and his game over the past semester. Not that Luke had ever paid too much mind to what Ashton had said or even witnessed a game to solidify such bold statements, but he couldn’t help hearing their school’s team had improved drastically compared to last year’s season- not that they’d even made it to play offs or anything, but compared to last year, they _had_ gotten better.

“I just don’t get it,” he finally spat out.

Luke actually physically stepped back at the words he sputtered, shaking his head and pursing his lips.

“Get what?” Luke bit back, perhaps it was more of a snarl than he’d intended but it was early morning- okay, eleven in the morning, but with a nasty hangover it may as well have been three in the morning- and he was already running a bit late for class as it was. He didn’t need this holier than thou but dumber than a box of rocks jock stopping him because he ‘didn’t get it’. There were probably plenty of things this football wielding heathen didn’t get, but Luke didn’t have all the time in the universe to spare on explanations.

“How you and Ashton are engaged? I mean that’s great and all, love wins or whatever but I didn’t think you guys even really liked each other, like how could you be getting married- not to sound rude or anything?”

During the football players spiel of trying not to sound homophobic ‘or anything’ Luke had absolutely shut down. His heart that was once so preciously stationed in his chest had fallen to his stomach and there was an obnoxious ringing in his ears that wasn’t related to the prattling on of the running back. Quickly though, Luke shook himself out of it, figuring his roommate had orchestrated some prank to pull on the last day before break, a ‘ha-ha good one, really got ya didn’t I?’ sort of prank that he would laugh about for years to come and Luke would blush at to no end. So, he brushed it off and rolled his eyes.

“ _Right_ , absolutely hilarious, and great acting by the way, tell Ashton he’s a fucker.”

The jock looked appalled at Luke’s words as the blond backed away and turned sharply before sprinting off to his class that he was now certainly late for. He slipped through the doors silently and took his seat at the very back of the class as the professor droned on about midterm papers and how she was going to curve the grade if need be- to Luke that was laughable. He’d taken this course as an easy A to keep his GPA up, this professor notoriously known for handing out one hundreds so long as you handed in the work on time. Halfway through the semester Luke figured he could have written a crock of shit on his assignments and he would still be passed back that pretty little A, if it wasn’t turned in late, because God forbid he’d need an extension in this class.

Once Luke had settled in his seat a nagging feeling coursed through him, the words of the running back whose name evaded him were bringing him down. Not for the sake of the prank per se but the ‘didn’t even like each other’. Is that what Ashton had implied to his teammates? That they were just roommates? Sure- they weren’t _best_ friends but over the past seven months Luke thought they were at least buddies that could shoot the shit together and had a level of respect and some sort of friendship.

As the professor kept on about the paper- due by the end of the day to the drop box online- the girl next to him nudged his arm to get his attention. He looked over at her lazily, recognizing her as Ashley, one of Ashton’s friends, of course. She beamed at him, her dyed hair covering her eyes but Luke could tell her smile reached them genuinely.

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered. “I always knew there was chemistry between you two.”

At first Luke didn’t follow until he put the pieces of the prank back together.

“Seriously? He got you in on it too?”

Ashley cocked her head. “In on what?”

 “This prank. Telling the whole damn campus that we’re engaged? Really funny, really, really funny.”

“You guys are pranking us?” She asked, throwing Luke for a loop. “That’s really not cool.”

 “ _We_ are not pranking you. _You_ are pranking me.”

Ashley sat back in her seat, her elbows falling across the top of her chair as she shook with silent and sarcastic laughter. “I’m not the one in control of your social media accounts.”

At that, Luke was honestly befuddled. He reached for his phone in his  pocket but cursed under his breath as he realized it was dead- a night out partying had drained the battery and his drunken ass hadn’t plugged it in when he’d stumbled back into his dorm.

When he realized he wouldn’t be able to check his social media- his laptop was also surely dead- he turned to Ashley once more. “What are you talking about?”

Ashley’s attention had turned back to the professor who was already “letting them be free to have a nice break”.  Not only was this professor a notoriously easy A but was also one to end class early on a regular basis. Luke slung his nearly empty bag over his shoulder and raced after a retreating Ashley who apparently didn’t want to answer any of Luke’s questions.

“Ashley, come on!”

She spun quite dramatically and huffed out a breath. “It’s really fucking funny of you guys to post all over the internet that you’re getting married and then have the audacity to say I’m pranking you.”

Luke’s head was pounding, his vision was spinning and it took great effort on his behalf not to throw up right then and there- if not from his hangover then surely from his newfound ‘engagement’. He ran his hands along his face, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he sighed.

“Can I use your phone?”

Ashley, though she looked pissed, handed her unlocked phone over allowing Luke to use her Facebook app to look at his profile. And sure enough, in black and white and tagged blue was the announcement of their engagement. They’d even gone so far as to include a photo of the two of them, Luke holding up his left hand triumphantly- what looked like a pretty legit engagement band on his ring finger- Ashton giving him the eyes of a love sick puppy. He shook his head slowly, disbelief strangling him. He couldn’t breathe- his grandma had commented, his fucking grandma. With shaking hands he returned the phone to Ashley and choked out a thank you before booking it back to his dorm.

Ashton was sprawled out on his bed, his curls unruly, his face down in a mountain of pillows, a sheet covering the bottom half of his body. Luke ripped the sheet away and practically pounced on the curly headed fucker. Ashton- in his own haze of hangover merely grumbled in response and turned so Luke fell to the linoleum floor of the dorm.

“Leave me alone, we don’t have to be out of here for another six hours.”

Luke picked himself up off the floor and crossed his arms. “Then that should give us plenty of time to plan our _wedding._ ”

“Yeah, yeah. The wedding then the baby in the baby carriage and we live happily ever after,” Ashton said dryly, neglecting to even look at Luke.

“I’m not kidding Ashton. We put it all over Facebook.”

That got Ashton to look at Luke, with squinted eyes and a mop of curls falling in his face, but look at him nonetheless. “What?”

Luke reached for Ashton’s phone on the nightstand and tossed it to him. Ashton slowly sat up as Luke instructed him to check his phone and when Ashton hit the unlock button Luke could see about a million and three notifications light up the screen- trust him, he’s pretty damn good at math and he’s sure that guess wasn’t far off. Ashton groaned as he unlocked it and the app loaded.

A silence fell over them, ghostly regrets crawling their way up Luke’s spine, the urge to vomit returning as Ashton’s face fell along with Luke’s heart that had fallen from his chest to his stomach and was now making a special surprise visit to his ass.

“That’s not good.”

“My _grandma_ thinks we’re getting married. What am I supposed to do? Tell her I’m just kidding? It’d give her a fucking heart attack.”

“Luke calm down, it’s not that big of a deal,” Ashton tried to soothe. But Luke had completely gone off the rails, he was sputtering about, pacing the room, his eyes flitting back and forth as if the answer to this mess was hidden in the pile of clothes laid on the floor or the stack of papers abandoned on his desk.

“It is a big deal, you don’t know how many people gave me weird looks. Oh yeah, Ashley says congratulations, by the way. And that running back block head? Yeah, he ‘doesn’t get it’. And neither do I. What were we thinking?”

“We were drunk… there’s really nothing else to say. Can’t we just- like- call it off or something?”

Luke breathed out brokenly and went to bite at his nails but one look from Ashton stopped him. It was a stress habit he’d been trying to break, Ashton well aware of it had agreed to point out when he was doing it, because quite honestly, Luke didn’t even think about it anymore. He’d bite his nails to the point of blood, the discomfort deterring him from playing guitar, one of the things he loved most in this world.

“Call it off? That’d break my grandma’s heart.”

Ashton shifted on the bed and sighed. “So what? We get married to appease your grandma?”

Luke was going to reply something along the lines of ‘yeah, we divorce when she dies, easy as that’ but thought better of it as a knock on the door jarred him. In mid pace he stopped to open the door, Michael- his eccentric and very foul mothed friend on the other side. Michael quickly pushed past him followed by Calum his long term boyfriend/soulmate/the one that really chills his butthole or whatever the fuck it is that Michael decides to call Calum on any given day- Luke really not partial to hearing about the chilling of Michael’s butthole. Nonetheless it was undeniable how in love they were.

“I can’t believe you guys beat us to getting engaged,” Michael laughed ironically.

Luke narrowed his eyes, he didn’t have the best memory of last night but he was sure Michael and Calum had been there. Luke had a sinking suspicion Michael had something to do with this- hell he probably placed the ring on his finger and told them to smile for the picture.

“You let us do this didn’t you?” Luke accused.

“I didn’t let you do it. I encouraged you to. Those are two completely different offenses.”

Ashton snorted humorlessly and turned to confront Calum. “Why didn’t you stop us?”

“I was laughing too fucking hard,” Calum admitted sheepishly with a shrug.

“And now we’re engaged for all of Facebook to see. Even my grandma knows,” Luke practically whined.

Ashton shot Luke a sharp look. “You seriously need to get over this whole grandma thing.”

“My _parents_ know too. Do you know how disappointed they’d be if they knew I posted that because I was off getting drunk during midterm week? They’d disown me.”

“My mom won’t be too happy about it either, okay? We just have to bite the bullet and own up to it,” Ashton said with a shrug, forced nonchalance rolling off his shoulders.

Luke nodded in tiny fragments and gestured to Ashton’s phone. “You first, _honey.”_

Calum or Michael- probably both of them- snorted at that, but Luke was too busy staring at Ashton who’d paled and was staring at his phone. After a moment’s hesitation he licked his lips and unlocked the phone to dial his mother’s number. Luke mouthed for him to put it on speakerphone as it rang, Ashton obeying so the ring echoed around an otherwise tensely silent dorm room.

Four rings in and a hybrid Australian-American accent answered. “Hi sweetheart!”

“Mom? I kinda got to talk to you, do you have a minute?” Ashton asked, and as hard as Luke tried to hold onto the anger this situation had built in him, it dissipated as he saw the shake of Ashton’s nervous hands.

“Well if it’s about wedding plans then of course! Harry’s already called being your ring bearer and while it was shocking at first I can’t say I’m very surprised, from what you’ve told me about Luke these past months I guess it was-“

“Mom!” Ashton cut in, his face redder than Luke had ever seen. “That’s exactly what I’m calling about. You see-“

“You always did fall in love fast didn’t you sweetheart? Look, once you get home we can talk more about it,” she rambled on as if Ashton hadn’t said a word. “You should bring Luke with you, I’d like to meet my soon to be son in law before you’re at the altar.”

It took Ashton three more tries to interrupt his mother’s excited flow of words before finally telling her quickly that he had to go. He hung up the phone and threw it across his bed as he flopped onto the mattress and pressed a pillow over his face.

“What are we gonna do?” Ashton groaned from behind the barricade of the pillow.

Luke sat on his own bed heavily, a million thoughts racing through his mind but no answer in near sight. Michael sat next to Ashton and pulled the pillow away, delivering a thump to his chest with an open palm that got Ashton to spring up.

“Suck it up. You put yourselves in this hole. Climb your own way out,” Michael said very unsympathetically.

“We wouldn’t be in this hole if it weren’t for you,” Luke snapped.

Michael put his hands in the air as if surrender and lifted himself off the bed, stalking towards Calum who was waiting at the door with arms crossed. “It’s not our fault you guys _really_ wanted to do it. Who are we to get in the way of love?”

And with that bold statement the pair of actually in love people walked out the door and left two floundering idiots with an inability to make good decisions when inebriated in silence. Luke leaned back into his bed just as Ashton had previously and laid his hands on his stomach, trying to shut down the world around him and only focus on the steady breathing that lifted his hands up and down, up and down.

After Luke had a good solid five minutes to himself with nothing but the sounds of his and Ashton’s breath interfering with his life he pushed himself to his elbows and eyed Ashton who was still sat on the edge of his bed, but now he was gripping his pillow and looking at the floor.

“So I guess we go to your moms first and then we visit my family?” Luke questioned with raised eyebrows.

“Seriously?” Ashton replied without even looking up.

Luke shrugged dejectedly, already tired of fighting. “If your call to your mom is any indication of what will happen with my family then there’s no way we’re getting out of this.”

Ashton looked up and Luke could see the wheels turning in his head. “We go home… Tell both of our families it’s going to be a long engagement, we need to finish school first, and then somewhere down the line we gently tell them we broke up?”

Luke nodded. “I don’t see any other way.”

“I think there’s just one problem with our plan,” Ashton stated which Luke wanted to groan at but internalized it.

“And what’s that?”

“They’re going to expect us to be in love and talk about each other like we’re the axis the world spins on. I mean- you’re my friend and all but I don’t know if I can do that.”  

Luke let the words sink in for a moment. “Well from what your mom said it sounds like you have a lot of practice being in love _and_ talking about me, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” _And it probably won’t be so hard for me either._

At those words Ashton hid his face in his pillow and rolled onto his side in defeat, his legs curling up to his chest, making his already small stature that much smaller. Luke sighed and leaned back again, forcing himself to think through all that this new situation would entail. He tried to breathe evenly as he mapped it all out in his mind, knowing that he’d have to meet Ashton’s family and that Ashton would meet his. He could only hope that they’d accept this new development without too much of a hassle or embarrassment- Luke’s older brothers living to torture him.

He remembered bringing his first ‘serious’ boyfriend home, it was junior year of high school and if the amount of times his cheeks had stained red calculated to grains of sands he would have filled every single beach in the world. That night was also exactly a month after he’d come out as gay to his family, and while they loved him and accepted him wholly it was still a very new thing for them. His brothers were not only older than him, but also more tactfully aggressive with their protection of him, Jack especially. He’d tried his best to blur out most of the night but it always came crawling back. The first time he’d brought a boy home was also the last- his first ‘serious’ boyfriend dropping him only a week after meeting his family. He’d been heartbroken to say the least, but once he realized that it never would have worked because he didn’t mesh well with his family and Luke’s family was everything to him, he’d gotten over it.

Still, the embarrassment of the night clung to him and worried him relentlessly as he finally got up and finished packing the rest of his things for spring break. He’d started the night before but left his duffel bag abandoned when Ashton announced there was a party and he better be going. Luke had excitedly left his things in favor for the party, knowing that Ashton would be there enough to draw him out of his room. Even if they didn’t show up together, Luke knew Ashton would make his rounds and eventually stop by to hang with him. He knew his parents were expecting him to be home that night so he sent them a text after his phone had charged explaining that he was going to Ashton’s house and that he would call when he got there. He had to ignore the eighty three text messages from his mom previous to the one he sent and left his voicemail full, too scared to listen to any of them. Almost instantly his mother replied with a bombardment of questions and caps lock telling Luke to call her _now._

He stepped out of the dorm room, preferring some privacy for a conversation he knew would amount to yelling, maybe some crying, and just general embarrassment. He headed down the hallway choosing to ignore and block out the concerned look Ashton had thrown him before leaving the room and proceeded to call his mom. She picked up on the first ring, her voice panicked and painful to Luke’s ears.

“Luke, what the hell is going on with you? You’re getting married?”

“Mom, please calm down. I can explain.”

“You better, your grandma called boasting about how excited she is to meet your fiancé,” Liz exclaimed with just a touch of seething anger in her voice.

“I know you’re mad that I got engaged but just hear me out-“

“I’m not mad you’re engaged, I’m mad that I had to find out through Facebook,” she explained, that seething anger decompressing into sadness.

“I’m sorry mom. I really am. It was very spur of the moment. I’ll explain it all to you when I get home, I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”

The line went silent for a moment before Liz came back on, “You’ll both explain it to all of us.” And then the line went dead and Luke also kind of wanted to be dead.

*

The heater in Ashton’s 1999 Jeep Cherokee spat at Luke as it groaned and tried it’s very hardest to produce more than just a tiny tuft of heat. Luke rubbed his hands together, and brought them to his lips to blow some warmth onto them as Ashton apologized relentlessly for his ‘shitty car’. Luke really didn’t mind, he didn’t even have a car and would have relied on one of his brothers to pick him up from school except that now he was going to meet his future mother in law. Luke stretched out in the seat as much as he could, his knees hitting the dash with the movement, the top of his head brushing against the roof every time he moved.

The snow lined streets and frost covered trees were foreign to Luke, this was his first year in the northern states and he’d never really bared witness to the winters that the north could provide. Sure- it was technically spring, but the winter weather clung to the atmosphere and swirled snow to the earth. His family had uprooted from Australia to Florida when he was twelve, the change not so drastic concerning the weather, but when Luke was accepted into college in the north and the whole family decided to pack up and follow him- his mother and father always said they had job offerings up here that they couldn’t refuse and his brothers were already thinking of transferring schools- Luke had been shocked at the snow. Shocked and entranced, the tiny white snowflakes mesmerizing at first. But after a few days in below freezing temperatures, Luke had gotten over it. And now with spring break finally here and the snow sticking around, he would have been happy to never see snow again.

“This thing is a piece of shit,” Ashton complained as he searched for a radio station and only came up with static. “I keep telling myself I’ll save up for a new car but I never do.”

Luke laughed at the exasperation Ashton was exuding. “Do you think we can register at a car dealership for our wedding?”

Somehow after the conversation with his mother and half an hour in Ashton’s old Jeep Luke had managed to find the humor in the situation, though by the looks of Ashton’s tight lips it seemed his ‘fiancé’ hadn’t.

“We should really get our story straight,” Ashton mumbled.

“So we’re not going with a drunken proposal?”

“Luke, it’s really not funny,” Ashton sighed out.

Luke shrank back in his seat. “It kind of is.”

“Then please just humor me.”

Luke surrendered and answered dramatically with, “We started dating the first week of school. It was love at first sight. You knew you had to have me, that’s why you proposed after only seven months.”

Ashton shook his head ‘no’ and rolled his eyes. “Okay, we _did_ start dating the first week of school. And since we’re roommates we got to spend a lot of time together and we learned a lot about each other and in that time we fell in love and didn’t want to wait to promise ourselves to each other?”

Luke consented to that version and brought up the fact that while they did know each other, they didn’t know _everything._ They didn’t know enough to truly gauge a feeling of love, they certainly didn’t know enough to fool their parents into thinking their story was true, because Luke knew damn well his family would interrogate their relationship at no end.

“Then we use the week we spend with my family to fill in the gaps. My mom is so blinded by her son falling in love she won’t think twice about it,” Ashton offered.

“Let’s start now,” Luke said eagerly. He honestly did want to know more about Ashton and the missing puzzle pieces of his life, more about the football team and more about the life he had before college. “Walk me through your childhood. Tell me some cute anecdotal stories about Little Ashton.”

Ashton drummed his fingers along the steering wheel and made a turn for the interstate, puffing out a breath as he contemplated. “Little Ashton had to grow up really quickly when his sister was born. Maybe my mom didn’t mean for me to feel like I had to but without my dad around I felt like I should. I took care of my siblings growing up, I really don’t remember anything else from when I was younger.”

Luke went silent for a moment, he didn’t know that Ashton’s father wasn’t around. He probably should have realized that when Ashton never mentioned him but would talk of his family including his mother, brother and sister. Luke had been a little oblivious he supposed, having grown up in a loving family with both parental units that his brain hadn’t put the obvious together. He looked at Ashton for a moment, he didn’t seem resentful or upset in any definition of the word, but Luke wondered if it was just a barrier he hadn’t broken through yet, maybe Ashton didn’t even know it was a barrier.

“Okay,” Luke said, drawing the word out in an attempt to think and articulate what he could muster up to break the ice wall now between them. “How about the football team? I suppose I should know some more about that, I should be your biggest fan and supporter.”

Ashton smiled and Luke felt the weight of the world fall off his shoulders in a single breath. “I started playing football my sophomore year when my mom moved us to America. It was a way to make friends and the guidance counselor at my school said it looked good on college applications. Also, the scholarships I got for college didn’t hurt.”

“What about that block head running back? What the hell is his name again, I can’t remember for the life of me?”

“Do you mean Colton? The big guy with the buzz cut and scary looking tattoo on his knuckles?”

A lightbulb moment happened for Luke, that was exactly who he was talking about. If he recalled correctly, the tattoo spanning on his knuckles down to his wrist was a spider web. “Yeah, he’s kind of an ignorant asshole.”

Ashton gave a doubtful look before switching to the passing lane, surprising Luke that the Jeep could handle the speed increase. “He’s not that bad.”

It was Luke’s turn to wear a doubtful look. “He went on some spiel about how he didn’t understand how we could possibly be engaged. It kind of came off as those classic ‘I don’t care if you’re gay but don’t shove it down my throat’ people. And he said we didn’t even like each other that much.”

Luke wasn’t sure why he was being so honest with Ashton, or why it felt so good to get that petty weight off his chest. They were just words from some jock who didn’t have slightest clue about anything and while Luke knew that, the words still stung with a vengeance that was foreign to him. He thought the hurt was quelled when he heard Ashton’s mother say how much he talked about Luke to her but the more time he spent with Ashton the more time he had to sit and sulk and wonder why it was said in the first place. They passed a truck and switched back into the right lane.

“I should be honest with you right?” Ashton asked, his voice dropping to a strained whisper.

“That’s the foundation for a long and happy marriage,” Luke answered, this time actually making Ashton laugh and to Luke, Ashton’s laugh had suddenly become reminiscent of the ringing of wedding bells.

“When I first came out as bi to the team they picked on me- it was all in good fun... I think- but it became relentless. It finally died down for a little while but then I brought you with me to one of the parties and it started up again. Only this time, it was because they thought you were my boyfriend. So I shut them down and the only way to do that was to tell them we were just roommates and that I didn’t-“

“Like me,” Luke finished. “I get it. I wish you would have told me though. I could have set them straight.”

“They barely listened to me, I doubt they would have listened to you,” Ashton explained. “But thanks anyway.”

Luke lapsed into silence and before he knew it Ashton was pulling his fingers away from his mouth; that damned nail biting habit striking again. Only this time Ashton didn’t drop Luke’s hand, he entwined their fingers and when Luke cleared his throat Ashton merely snorted.

“If we can’t even hold hands we’re never going to survive this.”

That fact hit Luke like a fucking train. They could learn all about each other but that wouldn’t deter the awkwardness from all of the firsts they never experienced with each other. They hadn’t even held hands until this very moment and that was already on a caliber of awkwardness that Luke didn’t quite understand.

“Pull over,” Luke instructed.

“What? No. We’re only twenty minutes away.”

“Ashton. Pull over.”

Begrudgingly Ashton eventually pulled the car over to the side of the road and put the car in park. The engine was rumbling to the point that before Luke spoke he reached over and took the key out of the ignition, stopping the noise so he could think somewhat straight.

With a deep breath, Luke confessed what he’d conjured up, “I think we should kiss.”

Immediately Ashton replied with a confused look and a disgruntled ‘huh’ noise from the back of his throat.

“Think about it. You just said if we can’t even hold hands we’re not going to survive. We’re two college kids who are supposed to be madly in love to the point of getting engaged seven months in. If we can’t kiss and make it believable then this whole thing is just a waste of our time and I might as well tell my grandma and give her a heart attack and have my parents disown-“

Luke’s stress filled rambling was cut off when Ashton grabbed him by the face, their mouths mere inches apart, their gazes held and so intense Luke couldn’t help but gulp. Ashton’s hands were surprisingly soft as they ran along Luke’s cheeks, the flecks of brown in his hazel eyes mixing so rightfully with the green that that was all Luke focused on.

“I’m going to kiss you now. Alright?” Ashton asked.

Luke nodded and let his eyes flutter shut, Ashton softly pressing his lips to Luke’s, his hands tracing Luke’s jaw line as Luke’s own hands came to settle tangled in Ashton’s curls. What once was soft and sweet turned heated and instinctual. It took everything inside of Luke not to climb over the console of the car and straddle Ashton right then and there. When they finally, finally pulled apart more for the sake of air than anything else, Luke had an inkling that the passion of a newly engaged couple wouldn’t be hard to fake if Ashton continued to kiss him like that. And that maybe Luke wouldn’t mind kissing Ashton like that, or soft and sweet, or on the cheek, or any part of Ashton in any sort of temperament, if he was being completely honest with himself.

Once they’d settled back into their seats and Ashton had merged back onto road, the pair content to hold hands ‘for practice’, Ashton ran his thumb along the ridges of Luke’s fingers and for a brief moment looked over at Luke before paying attention to the road again.

“Where’s your ring?”

Luke still in a daze from the kiss could only reply with a ‘hm?’ escaping him.

“Your ring from the picture. Where is it?” Ashton asked again, a bit more panicked this time.

Luke’s daze broke as the panic in Ashton’s voice spilled over him like a dam. He tried to think back to last night and into the early hours of the morning and where the ring might possibly have gone, but he came up with a blank.

“I don’t know, I really don’t. What are we going to tell our parents?”

Ashton thought for a moment, Luke taking in the sight of his eyebrows furrowing and his tongue sweeping across his lip before he answered. “It’s out being resized. It was too big and we were scared it would fall off and you’d lose it.”

 Luke nodded his consent to that story while trying to figure out what exactly had happened to the ring but only a tangle of thoughts that he couldn’t make sense of consumed him. He remembered leaving his dorm room last night and entering the party, Michael had offered him a drink and after that, everything was smudged out.

*

The moment Ashton pulled into his mother’s driveway his siblings had flung open the door and descended upon the car, Harry- his younger brother- practically throwing himself at Ashton the second his feet hit solid ground. Ashton took it all in with a glowing grin, Luke unable to keep a smile off his own face as he watched Ashton greet his mother with a hug and kiss on the cheek. Once all of the welcome home’s were exchanged Ashton stepped back to introduce Luke, ever so naturally wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“Mom, Lauren, Harry, this is my fiancé Luke.”

Ashton’s mother Anne approached him with watery eyes and a breaking smile, her arms offering him a hug that he wouldn’t dream of refusing. Ashton’s arm dropped from Luke as his mother’s replaced it, Luke hugging her as if he was hugging his own mother. It felt familial and natural.

Anne stepped back from the hug and caressed Luke’s face in her hands, her watery eyes over spilling in what Luke could only assume was happiness. “You’re even more handsome than Ashton let on.”

Luke’s heart skipped a beat or two or maybe two thousand at those words and let his gaze drift to a reddening Ashton. He smiled back at Anne and went in for another hug before Ashton’s siblings had caught up to him, Harry bubbling with questions and stories and anything and everything he thought to say, Lauren with a dubious look on her face staring him down. Ashton had rounded the car to the trunk and opened it to reveal the two duffel bags and Luke’s guitar that they had packed full of clothes very last minute. Luke went to help him, Ashton already having shouldered his own bag. Luke picked up the other and grabbed for his guitar case, Harry already shadowing behind the two and asking a million questions about said case.

“Harry, slow down there buddy, you’re bouncing off the walls; we’ve got all the time in the world to talk,” Ashton soothed as he shut the trunk of the car.

Harry- in a rush of excitement- nodded and then proceeded to run up the stairs and into the house followed by Lauren. Luke smiled as he noticed Harry peeking out of the curtains and couldn’t help but laugh when Ashton did, his laughter infectious. Anne sighed tiredly and shook her head at her son before heading up the steps and holding the door open for Luke and Ashton.

“I think they like you,” Ashton whispered as he passed Luke and entered the house, gesturing for Luke to follow him to his room to put their things away.

“I hope,” Luke said more to himself than Ashton.

Ashton’s room was down the hall from the kitchen, the only bedroom on the first floor, evidently providing them a bit of seclusion. It was a small room, a double bed crammed in the corner with posters hung on the walls and an intense record collection claiming most of the shelf space. Ashton set his bag down on the bed and turned to him, slightly flushed and Luke wondered what exactly that might be from.

“Nice room, even nicer records,” Luke praised as he set his own bags down and fingered through some of them. The collection was comprised mostly of classic rock and some indie bands that Luke had barely ever heard of.

“You would know, you’re the musical one.”

Luke cocked his head and wore a sloppy grin as he gestured to the almost overlooked set of drums in the corner of the room, shirts strewn over the cymbals and a book open face down on the stool. Because of course Ashton wouldn’t just be a star athlete and say he was doodling but sketch out something that Luke couldn’t even dream of- no- he also had to have an insanely hot musical ability. Luke had always sort of fawned over drums… And drummers.

“So those are just for looks then?” Luke questioned.

Ashton shrugged. “Well I’m alright but I don’t write my own songs like you do. Now that’s talent.”

“How do you know I write my own songs?” Luke questioned.

“I’ve seen you bent over your guitar when I walk in the dorm, don’t think I didn’t see you shutting your book and throwing it to the side.”

“Right.”

Luke blushed and took a deep breath, waiting for Ashton to break gazes with him, but he didn’t- not until a knock on the door had them both jumping. Anne poked her head in and informed them she had dinner waiting for them and that she was just so excited to talk wedding details, Luke floundering at the mention but Ashton grabbed his hand and nodded excitedly, telling her they’d be right out. Anne left for the dining room and Ashton glared daggers at Luke.

“You can’t jump out of your skin anytime someone mentions the wedding. Remember we’re having a long engagement and aren’t even thinking about the ceremony yet.”

“Right,” Luke mumbled and followed Ashton to the dining room where his whole family was already sat around the table.

Ashton- ever the gentleman- pulled out Luke’s chair for him and sat right beside him, Anne already jumping into wedding details.

“Look mom, we’re really not planning on having the wedding anytime soon. We both need to finish school and get jobs. Besides that- Luke’s ring isn’t even back from being resized. We’re happy to just be engaged at this point.”

Anne decompressed from her spiel of wedding talk and blew out a breath. “Oh thank god.” Luke nearly chocked on his water that he’d nervously gulped down but Anne went on to explain. “I love that you guys are in love but a wedding is such a responsibility financially. I was going to offer to help but I guess I won’t have to worry about that for a while?”

Luke recovered and nodded letting Ashton take the reins on this one. He figured that once they got to his house he’d have to do most of the talking so he was going to sit back while he could. Ashton was very precise with his wording and eloquent in the way he explained the proposal, Anne needing every little detail, Harry and Lauren cutting in with questions every now and then.

“And then he said yes,” Ashton finished off the completely fake proposal story and looped an arm around Luke’s shoulder who was beaming quite naturally at the fabricated story. Luke would admit that Ashton was good with his words, he’d even made Luke’s stomach flip and dip during the story, his cheeks staining red as he looked at his plate of half eaten chicken parmesan abashedly. Playing the part was a lot easier than Luke initially thought.

“It would have been a surprise if I hadn’t seen the ring box ‘hidden’ in our dorm two days earlier,” Luke supplied feeling a bit more comfortable. Anne laughed and it made Luke feel part of the family, as if it were natural for him to be sitting around the table with these almost perfect strangers, discussing a proposal that never happened.

Ashton gripped Luke a bit tighter and shot him a look that Luke interpreted as ‘good one’. Anne was an abundance of joy at the story, Harry had eventually retired from the conversation and gone to play on his DS between bites of food; Lauren on the other hand still wore a look of skepticism that Luke found was beyond even himself at twelve years old.

“Why didn’t you tell us you had a boyfriend- like when you were home for Christmas or on the phone?” Lauren asked, that twelve year old skepticism able to poke holes in the plot so easily.

Ashton shot her a look that only siblings could share- Luke had received and given that look a number of times to his own brothers- it read ‘please stop talking’ coated with desperation. “I just didn’t even think to between all of my coursework and football. We weren’t even completely official by Christmas either, Lauren.”

Luke worried that Lauren would poke more holes in their story, Luke and Ashton not thinking over everything that went into this story before they stepped through the door. But, Ashton covered quickly.

“Besides, I wanted to hear about you guys when I called. How’s that boy from your homeroom? What’s his name again? Devon?”

Distraction and diversions were the best answers to any question.

Lauren screeched at her brother and then everything descended into madness. Lauren was flustered and squawking at Harry who had quickly looked up from his game to make kissy faces and sing about sitting in a tree, Anne with her face in her hands and Ashton leaning back in his seat triumphantly at the diversion.

“Welcome to the mad house,” Ashton whispered into Luke’s ear disguising the words with a kiss on the cheek.

Luke couldn’t help but laugh at the absolute normalcy of dysfunction within the family. It reminded him of home in every possible way. Right down the embarrassment of siblings and interrupted flow of dinners. The phone was ringing off the hook, the TV was on in the background but was drowned out by the continuous argument that Harry and Lauren were now wrapped up in. Anne eventually excused herself to answer the phone and Luke turned to Ashton.

“You know, this mad house feels a lot like my own home.”

“What’s mine is yours, _fiancé,_ ” Ashton answered smoothly, the use of the word unexpectedly getting Luke’s blood racing.

“Even that sweet record collection?” Luke prodded with lifted eyebrows deciding to make light of the situation and ignore the funny feeling floating through him.

Ashton merely smiled. “Of course.”

*

After dinner and family movie night Luke and Ashton had retired to his bedroom, Luke settling into a sitting position on the bed with his back to the wall, clutching one of Ashton’s pillows to his chest. Ashton sat on the end of the bed after checking to make sure the door was locked. They needed to use their alone time to ‘get to know each other better’ before they were shipped off to what might feel like a warzone at Luke’s house. He knew his brothers weren’t going to let this whole engagement thing live in peace, they were going to interrogate and crack down on Ashton with any means necessary to make sure he was right for their little brother. After the whole fiasco with Luke’s first ‘serious’ boyfriend, they’d become protective tenfold.

Ashton let out what seemed like a long held breath. “How do we even begin this?”

Luke had been contemplating that since they decided they needed to ‘fill in the gaps’. These ‘gaps’ felt more like fucking black holes of dimensions separating them. It was hard to know someone to the point of believing they were the axis the world spins on when he felt they were on completely separate planets. He could ask what his favorite color was, but that seemed insignificant, you don’t go to the altar because you like the same color as someone. He could ask what his favorite movie was- but he also deemed that less important. What was more important? Luke had no fucking clue.

Luke shook his head and shrugged at a complete loss for words. They lapsed into silence as they thought, Luke could tell Ashton was strategizing because he held the same face as when he talked about football and to Ashton football was completely strategic. Luke let his own thoughts drift, oddly enough thinking of his parents and the love they shared. He knew the way his parents looked at each other- how they shared secrets with their eyes and could make even a brush of the hand feel like the most intimate contact ever. That was the love they were trying to replicate, something so insanely real that they needed to have forever promised to them only seven months in.

“What’s your biggest secret?” Luke finally asked, breaking away the silence.

Ashton looked up at him a bit dazedly, broken from the thoughts Luke was sure were spinning in his head. “Secret?” He asked, only catching the last word of the question.

“What’s your biggest secret?” Luke repeated. “I’m thinking that if we get the big things out of the way first, the littler things will fall into place.” Ashton bit his lip and Luke could already tell he was nervous to admit, so he went first. “Well I can tell you mine. When I was fifteen I posted videos of me singing on YouTube. I have them all on private now.”

Ashton smiled- easing some of the built up embarrassment that went along with those videos.

“I guess I thought I could be famous, but, when the view counter stayed the same- three fucking hits for each video, thanks to my parents- I sort of gave up for a while. I stopped playing guitar and I stopped writing.” Ashton scooted closer to Luke who had shrunk back into his fifteen year old self as he explained the secret, feeling all of what fifteen year old Luke felt at the time. “I guess I thought I needed the validation of other people to know I was good. But I quickly learned that it’d never be enough if I didn’t even feel valid within myself. So I set the videos to private and eventually started playing and writing again. Just for me this time.”

Ashton hesitantly placed a hand on Luke’s knee, jarring Luke from all of the encompassing feelings that fifteen year old Luke worked through. He looked at Ashton and saw the beginnings of what he’d always strived for. Ashton didn’t hold Luke’s own self-worth in his hands but he did boost his confidence and that alone was more than what fifteen year old Luke thought was possible.

“You don’t have to play for anybody but yourself, Luke. If you love what you do, then do it.”

Luke had heard that over the years, his parents had worried about him when they didn’t hear the sounds of his guitar drifting past closed doors anymore or hear the excitement in his voice when he told them he had written a new song. They pushed him to pick up the guitar time and time again but Luke had never really listened. Now, with Ashton talking to him and not at him- the way he felt his parents had handled the situation, but that was a horse of a different color- he was listening. He’d already come to terms with what Ashton had said last year, he’d been writing and playing for himself ever since, but it was still nice to hear.

Luke shrugged it all off, forcing himself to laugh. “Now that you know my secret, what’s yours?”

“I’m not really engaged?” Ashton joked which prompted Luke to softly hit him with the pillow he was previously clutching.

“No fucking shit. C’mon, tell me a real secret.”

Ashton looked down at his hands that were drumming along his legs. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in before looking back up at Luke. “Nobody knows this and you can’t tell anyone. You have to promise me.” Luke was quick to agree, sensing the distress that Ashton was now under. Luke wanted to tell Ashton that he didn’t have to say anything but he’d already launched into the telling of the secret. “I remember watching my dad walk out on us.”

Luke’s breath was taken away, it felt as if all the oxygen was stripped from his lungs, that his blood wasn’t pumping and his heart had stopped beating. He yearned to reach out to Ashton but he’d already caved in on himself.

“It’s stupid I know, I was like three or something, I shouldn’t be able to remember it, and I keep trying to convince myself it was just a dream that I’m remembering but it feels so real. I watched him pack his things through the crack in the door, he patted the top of my head and then he was gone. His car pulled out of the driveway and then all I could hear was my mom sobbing.”

Barriers had fallen like the tears that Luke was sure Ashton wasn’t aware he’d shed. Luke carefully wiped them away silently, just letting Ashton feel that was he was there with him, keeping him in his embrace. Ashton eventually pressed his face into Luke’s shoulder, his own shaking. Luke had a feeling Ashton had kept this bottled up for so long that it took the shattering of the bottle to get it out of him, and now Ashton was shattered and Luke felt like he was breaking too.

“Even my mom doesn’t know I remember,” Ashton whispered, his breath hitting Luke’s neck.

“I won’t tell. It’s okay,” Luke soothed, running a hand up and down Ashton’s back, trying to lull him, trying to say the things that he wanted to hear. He kept repeating that it was okay over and over as Ashton’s shoulders shook and quiet sobs racked his body for a solid five minutes.

Ashton eventually slumped into Luke, exhaustion defeating his body, Luke adjusting so that Ashton was pulled into him completely, their chests pressed together as he laid them both down and swept the covers up over them.

“I feel like I wasn’t worth staying for,” Ashton mumbled just before his heavy eyes slipped completely shut and his breathing evened out into that of slumber.

Luke ran his hands through Ashton’s curls, something he admittedly had thought about doing once or twice. “You’re worth it. I’ll stay,” Luke whispered, knowing that Ashton hadn’t heard him.

Luke may have not known a damn thing about love, he may have had his heart tampered with under the façade of love long ago, but if there was one thing he knew was for sure, it was that Ashton was worth it. And that he always meant what he said. _Always._

*

In the morning Luke woke to Ashton shifting, and while Luke was sure that Ashton would have broken away from him during the night, when he opened his eyes he saw that Ashton was actually pressing himself closer. Luke could feel himself smiling before he consciously knew he was doing it and closed his eyes again, wrapping his arms just a bit tighter around Ashton. There was a moment where all Luke could hear was Ashton’s even breathing and could only feel the warmth he was exuding but that was broken when Ashton twitched awake- a very literal spasm jerking the older boy out of sleep and away from Luke.

“Good morning,” Luke greeted unable to keep the laughter from his voice. Ashton was disheveled at best. His hair was stuck up in every direction and while the tears had subsided he still had a flushed face from crying, but that wasn’t what had Luke laughing- quite the opposite in fact. It was that Ashton was now squinting up at Luke with pursed lips and an inability to form words.

Eventually Ashton had collected himself enough to mumble out, “I dreamt that I was falling.”

At that Luke outright giggled. “I could tell. You jerked yourself awake.”

Tiredly Ashton rolled onto his side so that his back was facing Luke and pulled the covers up further, curling in on himself, knees to chest and arms wrapped around his body. “I also usually jerk myself to sleep. There’s another secret for you.”

“Hm?”

“Hypnic jerks. You should probably know that huh?” Ashton asked, his voice still coated with sleep, deep and scratchy, and quite honestly one of the hottest things Luke had ever had the pleasure of hearing. “My body flails just as I’m about to fall asleep.”

Over the past semester their class schedules had been so alternate that Luke hadn’t the chance to bear witness to Ashton in the early morning hours, to hear his voice without the extra scratchiness and annoyance of a hangover on the weekends.

“I think I’ve seen you do that before,” Luke admitted. “But you didn’t last night.”

While Luke wasn’t saying he’d ever watched Ashton while he slept, he definitely had accidently witnessed the spectacle Ashton was speaking of.

“Sometimes I don’t,” Ashton reasoned and then flopped over to face Luke, the sheets still tucked under his chin. “Thank you, by the way, for last night.”

Luke blinked long and hard, willing himself to keep his demeanor the same. “It’s no problem.”

“It actually felt really good to get that off my chest. Sorry for crying. I didn’t mean to scare you or anything.”

“Don’t ever apologize for crying. Its okay, Ashton,” Luke replied instantly. “I’ll be there for you whenever you need me, no matter what. I’m your friend.”

That word was like poison on Luke’s tongue that burnt his chest and left his body tingling. _Friend._ Within himself he realized that friends don’t feel the way he was feeling. They didn’t _want_ their friend to be the axis that the world spins on. They didn’t, they just fucking didn’t.

Interrupted thoughts from the door opening and Harry marching over to the bed had Luke sitting up straight. Ashton slowly sat up and looked at his brother.

“I’m going to the neighbors. I want a hug before I leave.”

Luke was actually fucking beaming at the words as Ashton giggled and scooped his little brother into a hug telling him to have a good time and be careful on the slippery sidewalk. Harry waved him off easily and looked at Luke.

“You too,” Harry said and climbed over Ashton to give Luke a hasty hug before jumping off the bed, landing on his feet with a thud, and running out the door.

Ashton turned to look at Luke, wearing one of the biggest grins Luke thought he may have ever seen. “He really does like you. That’s good news.”

Luke breathed out in relief. “I hope my brothers feel the same about you.”

And in a joking tone that kind of crushed Luke Ashton said, “Doesn’t really matter. We aren’t actually engaged, after all.”

Luke felt like the axis that his own world was spinning on had been ripped away and he was sent spinning into darkness. Now, friends _really_ shouldn’t feel that way about the acknowledgement of their fake engagement. Luke only nodded and forced a laugh. During breakfast he tried to reason with himself that what he was feeling was incredibly ridiculous, that he was just caught up in the whole charade of engagement and the vulnerability that he’d seen from Ashton last night was closing in on him. He was going to give himself the day to get over it, and if those feelings were still clawing at him from inside out, then he would deal with them.

He went through the rest of the day trying to gauge these _feelings_ though he hated to call them that. Ashton’s mom had picked up an extra shift at work and Lauren had plans with her friends so Luke and Ashton were left to their own devices. Now that the darker parts of their lives had been shared they used the day to learn the lighter parts. They talked about movies and music, sports and school. Ashton had a way of keeping Luke interested in everything he said, even when it was trivial. And when Luke spoke of his trivial likes he knew that Ashton was just as aptly paying attention.

They laid sprawled out on the living room floor, the TV on in the background, playing Ashton’s favorite movie because he had been outraged that Luke had never seen it. He kept claiming it was a classic and the notion that Luke hadn’t seen it was absurd. So Luke caved and told Ashton to put it in, but it had quickly become background noise when they’d struck up conversation. They’d already passed fourteen years of life, small stories and exchanges of their favorites from different time spans covering more than half their lives.

“You don’t get it, I was _obsessed_ with Good Charlotte, I had their poster and they were my first concert,” Luke laughed.

They’d delved further and further into each other’s lives previous to the other. Everything that Luke learned about Ashton was something that he held close. In response to Luke’s confession about Good Charlotte Ashton told Luke of his slight fondness for the Patriots- okay, it was more than fondness and slight was the biggest understatement of the year. Ashton even admitted to owning a Tom Brady poster that he refused to take off his wall all throughout his senior year in high school and only when his brother accidentally ripped it did it come down. Now, Luke knew next to nothing about football but his brothers since moving to the states had taken up interest in the game. This infatuation with Tom Brady probably would not slide well with them, they were more on the side of the Manning’s- Ben liking Eli and Jack liking Peyton.

“Don’t even talk to me about them,” Ashton had grumbled when Luke so much as mentioned the name, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. “The only reason the Bronco’s won the Superbowl was because of the defense and the only reason they won the AFC championship against the Pats is because we had so many fucking injuries during the season. All I can say is, happy retirement to Peyton and his HGH, and may Brady play long and prosperous.”

All of what Ashton was saying was going way over Luke’s head but he found he really didn’t mind listening because there was a spark in Ashton’s eyes and Luke could tell this was something he was extremely passionate about. Luke only nodded and gave noises of affirmation to ensure to Ashton that he was still listening.

“It’s undeniable that Tom Brady is the greatest of all time. Gronk’s gonna be a hall of famer for fucking sure, Gostkowski is one of the best kickers in the league. Look at Malcolm Butler, I think he’s proven himself as more than just the Superbowl hero, that’s what the Pats do though, they take no names and make them into someone incredible.”

Luke just nodded and let Ashton go on and on about the Patriots because Ashton’s conviction and the fire behind his eyes left Luke in awe. He thought though, that he may have to warn him about his brothers and the severity of their own favoritism towards the Manning’s before stepping through the door. If Ashton could bite his tongue on the whole Patriots thing, it would make everything go so much smoother.

Ashton kept on, talking about statistics and the logistics of the game, Luke turned on his side so he could see the way Ashton’s forehead creased in the middle of his thought process, or how his jaw moved with such fluid movements. Even though Ashton was filled with fire and his words were sharp as he went off on a rant comparing Peyton and Brady the sound of his voice and knowing that he was there was lulling to Luke. Quickly he found he had heavy eyelids and after an uneasy night of sleep worrying about Ashton, Luke felt as if he were ready to slip into slumber.

“Luke?” Ashton asked, his fire finally calmed, Luke’s eyes had slipped shut but he offered a groan in response. “Why don’t you go take a nap if you’re that tired?”

Again, Luke groaned in response and hid his face in his arms. Ashton chuckled and Luke could feel him get up before he was being lifted, cradled and carried into Ashton’s room. Gently Ashton laid Luke on the bed and made for leave but Luke’s eyes sprang open and he pulled him back.

“Stay.”

“You need to sleep, I don’t want to bother you,” Ashton explained trying and failing once more to leave but Luke kept hold of his wrist.

“C’mon, take a nap with me. It can be our cute couple thing we do,” Luke all but begged, scooting over so there was enough room for Ashton to join him.

Ashton laughed and while he was hesitant, he ultimately ended up joining Luke in the bed, adjusting so his back was leaned against the headboard and Luke was pressed against his chest.

“You know I read somewhere that sleeping with someone actually makes you more comfortable with them, or something along those lines anyway,” Ashton murmured, Luke once again only offering a small noise in response. “I guess this is perfect practice for when we meet your family.”

“We’ll be fine,” Luke assured, his tiredness finally overcoming him, the ‘fine’ cutting off and drowning out in soft snores.

*

Those feelings that Luke had to work through came charging full force at him when he woke from his nap to the sight of Ashton staring down at him with a content smile basked in the glow of the afternoon light. Luke always knew Ashton was attractive, that fact was inescapable, but he never realized just how _golden_ he was. His skin was tan even after the winter months, his honey curls all but gleaming, even his hazel eyes held flecks of gold in the right light that Luke would have stared at all day if he could.

Ashton was holding his phone in one hand, his thumb scrolling through what Luke thought looked like Facebook, the colors a certain match. It dawned on Luke that Ashton probably hadn’t slept when he was, but it was still nice to wake up in his arms. And he had a _feeling_ that he might like to do that every time he woke up.

“What’re you looking at?” Luke mumbled, sitting up slightly and wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“All of the comments on our photo,” Ashton admitted, stopping the scrolling and turning the phone so Luke could see.

What Ashton had landed on was a comment from Michael and a reply to that comment from Calum. Luke, still griped about the fact that they had so willingly let them post the photo, grabbed for the phone and focused so he could read. Dryly, Luke chuckled at the comment and shook his head in disbelief. Those bozos had the audacity to comment about being the best man and asking who was going to throw the bouquet their way.

“What great friends we have,” Luke muttered as he gave the phone back to Ashton and fully sat up not even thinking about draping his legs over Ashton’s and leaning into his chest to continue reading as Ashton scrolled through more comments, Ashton had quite instinctively draped his arm around Luke’s shoulders, thus pulling him closer.

“They are a special breed aren’t they?” Ashton tsked and lightning fast scrolled back up to their comments, a thought striking him. “Why don’t we mess with them just a little?”

Luke narrowed his eyes and waited for Ashton to press on the comment to reply to it. In seven words, Luke felt some form of revenge fall upon the two.

_I thought your wedding was before ours._

It was a petty comment and kind of stupid but Luke still found it funny- well he mostly found the way Ashton found it so funny to be hilarious- but they were still laughing nonetheless. Once the storm of giggles had calmed and passed Ashton dropped the phone and let his hand run up and down Luke’s arm.

“How are you at cooking?” Ashton asked out of the blue.

“I’m pretty good at microwaving,” Luke admitted, feigning such humility at the words as if he’d just admitted to winning Chopped- which he didn’t watch, no, it was merely on in the background.

“Come on then, you’ll have microwave duty,” Ashton said and pulled Luke out of bed and into the kitchen.

It didn’t take long for Ashton to fall back into the routine of being home. He told Luke that Saturday’s were his day to cook dinner and he took pride in the fact that he had actually learned how to prepare a decent meal. He after all had two of the harshest critics in the world to judge him, Harry and Lauren. Harry was picky and Lauren just loved to give Ashton a hard time. Ashton was able to maneuver around Luke in the small kitchen up until the point where he pulled out a cutting board and nearly smacked Luke in the stomach, at which point Ashton instructed Luke to hop up on the counter and ‘observe the master in his element’.

It really wasn’t fair. Ashton shouldn’t be so skilled in everything. Athlete, artist on different levels, hotness off the levels, and now he could cook as well. Luke felt like all that was Ashton had hit him in the face like a semi-truck. There were so much more to Ashton than just roommate and drinking buddy- though those were still appreciated qualities- there was just an effervescence about Ashton in his home with his family at the most vulnerable Luke had ever seen him.  And how Ashton could be vulnerable and vivacious at the same time was a beautiful conundrum to Luke. The way his eyes sparkled and laughs rolled out of him so naturally when his siblings were around just didn’t seem to go hand in hand with the tears that had bled down his cheeks only the night before. But those were the parts of Ashton that Luke had never seen and was coming to realize he didn’t want to lose.

As Ashton chopped up veggies Luke sighed. “You’re kind of like a circle you know.” Ashton chuckled and looked up, questioning Luke with his eyes to further explain this analogy he had so abruptly said. “You’re just so well rounded.”

“We can’t be engaged anymore,” Ashton deadpanned after the horrific pun Luke had spat out.  “You’re such a square.”

“It’s our differences that really connect us, Ashton,” Luke said putting extra emphasis on the words, making sure his voice portrayed the epitome of meaning (utter bullshit) in the words.

“Haven’t you ever tried to put the square peg in the round hole? It doesn’t work, Luke,” Ashton laughed and patted his knee, feigning sympathy.

Luke cocked his head to the side and turned on his selective hearing. “Was that an innuendo? Are you trying to flirt with me?”

Ashton erupted into laughter and left Luke feeling like he was floating. And then he was crashed back into reality when the front door opened and Anne called out that she was home, Harry shortly following after. Ashton replied that they were in the kitchen and just before his family joined them in the kitchen Ashton delivered Luke a look that got his blood racing and pressed close to Luke’s ear and whispered.

“Maybe I was.”

Once again Ashton disguised the words with a kiss on the cheek as Harry ran in to greet them with stories about his day. Ashton paid full attention to Harry while Luke paid full attention to Ashton. Every smile that dawned upon Ashton’s face made Luke’s heart flutter and when they were all done in the kitchen, dinner in the oven and everything cleaned up, Ashton led Luke into the living room with Harry hot on their trail.

They spent the rest of the night with Ashton’s family, eating dinner when Lauren came home and playing board games with his siblings until Anne called for the younger kids to go to bed. It was only getting easier and easier for Luke to keep up the charade of being engaged, he found himself slipping and falling farther and farther into the role. The whole week spent with Ashton’s family convincing them of their ‘love’ had left him feeling like it actually might be.

*

Luke leaned back in the passenger seat of Ashton’s car, this time the lack of heat not too bothersome. The winter weather had washed away during their stay, the feeling of spring starting to emerge, the sun shining and melting away the snow, bringing a breath of relief to Luke. Before even thinking too much about it, his hand was wrapped up in Ashton’s hand on the console, after five days of playing the part the little things had become second nature to them.

“Pop quiz time,” Luke announced. After the third day with Ashton’s family the worry about his own family had started to sink in more and more, and in an effort to quell that worry Ashton had suggested they quiz each other on everything they’d possibly need to know to convince Luke’s family of their love.

“Luke, not again. You already quizzed me this morning. Can’t we just go shopping in peace?” Ashton whined.

“I’m not the one who only got half of the answers right this morning,” Luke rebutted.

“That’s only because you woke me and asked me them when I was still half asleep. I could barely form a coherent thought let alone provide accurate answers about your childhood pets. I do know it all, I just couldn’t think.”

“Then prove me wrong,” Luke suggested to which Ashton only sighed and rolled his eyes, which was all the confirmation to keep going that Luke needed. “My mom’s name?”

“Liz.”

“My dad’s name?”

“Dad,” Ashton said and laughed at the exasperated look on Luke’s face that begged him to just play along. “Okay, okay. I know it, it’s Mr. Hemmings.”

Luke shook his head. “Now you’re just being difficult.”

“ _Relax,_ it’s going to be fine.”

Luke pulled his hand away from Ashton’s to instinctively bite at his nails, the stress of the situation getting the better of him, but Ashton was a driving force that pulled his hand back.

“Andy, your dad’s name is Andy. Your birthday is July sixteenth, you’re a cancer which is also why you’re so sensitive,” Ashton began to which Luke only snorted- Ashton was also a cancer- but let him continue his spiel of facts. “Your brother’s names are Jack and Ben. You bite your nails when you’re stressed but that’s a habit we’re trying to break. Our first date was super unofficial and we argue about it all the time. I think it was a date, you don’t. I proposed at dinner one night, it was super cliché but you were super happy about it.”

Luke sat back in his seat, quite impressed with the facts that Ashton had memorized. It was only the start of their story that they had cooked up the second night at Ashton’s house. They fantasized about the perfect relationship under the cover of sheets, lingering whispers traded back and forth, coming up with quirks and story lines of dates that they’d never experienced but felt pretty fucking real to Luke as he was enraptured by and contentedly stared at hazel.

“Okay, you pass for now. But be ready, the hard questions are coming tonight.”

Ashton only squeezed Luke’s hand in response and let them fall into silence for the rest of the ride to the mall. Luke didn’t mind the silence when he was with Ashton, it was still a precious moment in which they were in each other’s company.

Once they had parked at the plaza Luke found that the small town Ashton lived in was charming in comparison to the city-esque feel that their campus was located and where his parents had relocated to. Florida had been big- Miami was incomparable to the small town Ashton lived in and even the city his parents currently resided in had much more happening. While Luke was used to indoor malls the plaza did have a nice feel to it, it wasn’t too busy and even though it was still a bit crisp out if he stayed close enough to Ashton’s side- the boy always seeming to radiate heat- Luke didn’t mind the slight chill.

Upon entering the small jewelry shop Luke felt a surge of reality wash over him. It’d been nice in their little bubble of fake engagement. But now that they were here to replace the fake ring for their fake engagement to convince his parents of a lie, he felt nauseated. They were greeted by a kind elderly lady who offered them nothing but smiles and help, Ashton immediately taking her up on her offer. He pulled his phone out and zoomed in on the picture of the ring, showing her what they needed to replace, explaining they wanted something as close to it as possible.

“Let me see what I have in the back,” she said after scanning rows and rows of rings, none seemingly right to the older woman.

As the lady left Luke let out a long held breath and fiddled with a necklace that was on display.

“What’s wrong?” Ashton asked, taking a glance up from his phone that he was still studying to find the right match.

“Do you really think we can do this?”

“I don’t think we can back out now if that’s what you’re saying…”

“No, I guess not,” Luke grumbled.

Ashton stiffened and Luke worried maybe he’d said something wrong but the lady was back with a triumphant smile, a ring pinched between forefinger and thumb. It looked nearly perfect, maybe the silver band was half a shade off but they could always blame that on a filter or exposure that the photo had. Luke reckoned it would be the closest they could get and he shouldn’t be too picky, he was after all the one that had come up with the idea to actually go through with meeting each other’s families under the false pretenses of engagement their drunken asses had set.

“It’s perfect,” Ashton complimented and took the ring from her, turning to Luke to slide it on his finger to make sure it was sized correctly.

By some miracle the ring was a perfect fit, and perhaps Ashton’s hands lingered just a bit longer than what would be called for, his eyes shining under the crystal chandelier that hung on the ceiling. Luke was left speechless as the band felt much heavier on his finger than it was, Ashton paying for the ring like a gentleman. Luke was going to cut in and offer to pay but by the time his mind had fully wrapped around the current situation Ashton was already putting the receipt in his wallet. Luke made a mental reminder to swipe Ashton’s wallet later and place cash in.

“So when is the wedding?” The lady asked, Luke completely broken from his daze snapped to attention, reminding himself not to jump out of his skin at the mention of the wedding.

“Oh, not for a while. We’re going to finish up school first,” Ashton answered easily and wrapped his arm around Luke’s shoulder.

“Well, a lot of couples come in here and they’re always in a rush to get to the day… and none of them look even half as in love as you guys,” she explained, her words and Ashton’s touch sending heat all throughout Luke. “Take it from me, take your time and if it’s meant to be, it will still be.”

Ashton smiled and Luke melted at her words.

“Congratulations and good luck!” She called as they exited.  

  *

Goodbye’s came much quicker than Luke anticipated, a whole week had blown by in the blink of an eye and now the easy part was over. However Luke couldn’t honestly and wholly contribute the definition of ‘easy’ to the week spent pretending he wasn’t falling in love while pretending to already be in love. Though it was easy to convince Ashton’s family- aside from Lauren’s initial skepticism- the week had been anything but easy. Every time Ashton so much as brushed hands with Luke he could feel volts run through his veins, his vision would scatter and his thoughts would circulate around him. The silver band that was now on his ring finger was a constant reminder of what never was.

“I’ll call you when we get there,” Ashton promised his mom as he embraced her. Harry and Lauren were stood behind their mom, Luke lingering behind Ashton, waiting for all of the exchanges to be over with a dry throat.

The more time he spent with Ashton’s family the more the lie weighed down on him. Anne had been nothing but supportive and as Ashton had predicted blinded by the love that her son had fallen into. Torturous thoughts of Anne finding out that this love was nothing more than an epitome of darkness and lies had bothered Luke well into the nights spent with Ashton. But on the flip side of it all, Luke was becoming well practiced in the art of lying- to Ashton’s family, to his family… to himself. It took all of himself to lie and convince himself that what they were doing was what was best. And now that he’d found himself particularly well known in this new realm he could even convince himself that what he was feeling wasn’t real. It was still pretend.

Ashton had broken the hug with his mother and moved on to saying goodbye to his siblings, it was now Luke’s turn to be wrapped up in a hug from Anne. She said a sweet goodbye to Luke, thanking him for coming to meet the family and for keeping her son happy. As he pulled away and swallowed past the dryness in his throat he nodded, all words evading him. The silence that he exuded was enough for Anne, she smiled and patted his shoulder and turned back to Ashton who had just finished hugging his siblings.

Harry had stormed past Ashton and bid Luke farewell with a hug and high five, asking him to come visit again, Luke- once more feeling the gravity of their lie- made another false promise. “Of course buddy, I still have to teach you guitar.”

Harry beamed as Lauren stepped up to Luke now, the skepticism she had previously was all gone, now replaced by belief. For the first time since Luke had met her she hugged him and in the midst of the hug she whispered to him, “Please keep my brother happy. He deserves it.”

Lauren pulled away from the hug first and left Luke speechless. If it weren’t for Ashton’s hand that guided Luke to the already packed car, he wasn’t sure he would have made it into the passenger seat. Ashton soon ducked into the driver’s side and waved as he backed out of the driveway and onto the street, Luke still silent.

By the time they had worked their way onto main roads Luke still hadn’t spoken and Ashton hadn’t either, but he was the first to break the delicate silence that settled around them. “Are you okay?”

Luke only nodded stiffly.

Ashton glanced at him for only a second but Luke knew that was long enough for Ashton to gauge that he in fact wasn’t okay. “Are you nervous about me meeting your family?”

“I hate lying,” Luke finally admitted the truth spilling out uncontrollably, not able to pile on another lie to the lies that were still stacked so precariously around them.

Ashton breathed out heavily. “We don’t have to.”

Luke was taken aback. “What?”

“We can return the ring right now and have all of this be over with. We can make a clean break if that’s what you want?”

Luke shuddered at the thought. While lying felt incredibly wrong, he couldn’t deny that being with Ashton- in whatever terms ‘with’ implied- felt so _right._ He thought for a moment, the urge to bite his nails gone, instead he squeezed Ashton’s hand.

“No. We can do this. It’s only a week and then we’re back at school.”

“And we won’t have to think about it again until summer.”

Luke was sure that statement wouldn’t be true on his own behalf. He was already in too deep to just stop thinking about it. About Ashton.

“Do you ever think about how easy this all is?” Luke asked.

“How easy lying his? I don-“

“That’s the hardest part for me. The fact that it’s so natural to pretend we’re together. To have to wake up every morning beside you and remind myself over and over again that we’re not actually together.”

Luke held his breath and squeezed his eyes shut, his world spinning uncontrollably on an axis that seemed to have changed rotation in a nanosecond. When his world was done dizzying him and his eyes opened he noticed that everything was still. The car was pulled over and the road was deserted. He chanced a look at Ashton who held the love of all the universes in his eyes radiated by a blinding sun.

Ashton smirked. _“Are you trying to flirt with me?”_

Luke was brought back to the kitchen, to the tiny space that had him flustered and the press of Ashton’s lips to his cheek, this whispered words of _maybe I was_ making a reappearance to the forefront of his mind and sending his spinning world straight into the fucking sun. He was filled with heat and desire, the _need_ to scream yes at Ashton uncontrollable, but that was suddenly simmered when the sun was melting into his lips, the taste of Ashton bringing him back to that first kiss in the car, the sudden and impulsive need to climb over the console to straddle Ashton returning.

They weren’t each other’s axis’ anymore- if they ever had been- they were two planets knocked off course and colliding. They were the heaven and the earth crashing into each other; light and dark, day and night, weak and strong. Ashton’s hands were roaming, fingertips soft and trailing along Luke’s cheek bones, Luke gripping at the collar of Ashton’s light jacket, tugging him closer and further into the mass chaos of the collision. 

Ashton pulled back slightly, enough so his words still pressed his lips further into Luke’s but could be heard. “You should’ve said something sooner.”

Those words jarred Luke out of the haze the sun had spilled over him. He pulled back, suddenly cold and calculating.

“What does this mean?”

“That it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to stop pretending we don’t have feelings for each other while we’re supposed to be pretending that we do.”

Luke was lost in the words, but the meaning was clear. He no longer had to keep a barrier up around Ashton. He didn’t have to worry that these feelings he had were fabricated because of the situation they were in, or stress that they wouldn’t be reciprocated. That alone was enough to convince him that they could make it through the rest of the week. It felt less like lying when he knew the feelings were there and weren’t the darkest shade of the lie they had built. Maybe they weren’t engaged but it certainly felt like they could be. Which was ridiculous and lovely all wrapped up into one.

“Alright. Let’s go introduce you to your future in laws. But I do have to warn you. They’re Manning fans.”

Ashton groaned before shifting back onto the road, “Great.”

*

Luke instructed Ashton to turn left and pull onto his street, his blood already racing with uncontrollable nerves. Now that the gravity of the lie had shifted he was unprepared for what he was stepping into. He could grip Ashton’s hand and tighten it as much as he wanted, but it didn’t quell the uncertainty that lay ahead of them. They had their story down but with the new element of their ‘relationship’- should Luke even venture to call it that- it was a whole new world they were stepping into. One that was spinning on its own uncontrolled by the other.

In just a few moments Ashton had pulled into Luke’s driveway that had a bank of snow pushed up from the plow that was still melting. Other than the pile the weather was nice- the sun bright and only a slight breeze claiming the air. The moment Ashton took the key out of the ignition, Liz stepped out of the door, her arms crossed over her chest, Luke’s heart nearly stopping at the sight. He was a certifiable momma’s boy and to see the almost cross look on her face crushed him.

Ashton brushed his thumb over Luke’s hand gently, reminding him that he was there and they could face this mess together. They slowly got out of the car and approached Liz who was already on her way to meet them in the middle, his father peeking out the door with a smile, Luke knowing Jack and Ben were waiting inside.

“Mom, this is my fiancé, Ashton.”

The cross look on Liz’s face melted away as Ashton cleared his throat and offered a tentative hello. Luke’s heart was in the process of restarting when Liz wrapped Ashton up in a hug and patted him on the back, her maternal side too strong to keep a grudge in the face of what she assumed was love.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys before we posted it on Facebook, it just sort of happened that way,” Luke said to which Liz turned to look at him with her eyes narrowed slightly.

“I expect you boys to at least tell us when the wedding is?”

Once more Luke nearly choked at the mention of the wedding, but Ashton was smooth to cover it up with their whole spiel of waiting until they were out of school. Liz looked pleased with their story and gestured for them to follow her inside. Luke pressed close to Ashton, unsure if it was for the sake of keeping Ashton comfortable or himself.

“Now let me see that ring?” Liz asked as they all filed into the living room, pulling at Luke’s hand to inspect the silver band, Luke truly glad that Ashton had struck up the idea to replace it before they went to Luke’s house. Luke didn’t quite think the excuse that worked on Anne would slide with his parents. “It’s beautiful.”

Luke could tell Jack and Ben were stiff, overprotectively watching the exchange from the corner with narrowed eyes and arms crossed over their chests. Luke wanted to laugh at the ridiculous spectacle that they had become but their protectiveness derived from a pure place and he was grateful to have such amazing brothers. So instead of snickering at the guarded looks they wore he brought Ashton to them to introduce them, trying his best to talk Ashton up in a subtle way. Ben was easier to crack down, just the smile on Luke’s face as he looked at Ashton was able to melt some of the resistance he exuded, but Jack stood his ground.

“So when was it you guys started dating?” Jack finally asked after moments of tense introspection.

“Unofficially at the beginning of the school year. Officially after Christmas break,” Luke explained, hoping with all of his might that their story would suffice.

“Why? Didn’t want to tell us about him over break or something?” Jack scoffed.

“If I were Luke I wouldn’t want to tell you either,” Ben joked, clapping his younger brother on the back. “You do over react.”

“I do not!” Jack quipped and suddenly the tension of meeting Luke’s fiancé was thrown away as a longer standing sibling banter arose.

Luke let out a breath and smiled at Ashton who sent him a small wink, the first and most likely the worst part over with. If Luke could make it through introductions he could convince himself it would only get easier.   

Luke came to learn that easier was a subjective term. Dinner hadn’t been ‘easier’ but it hadn’t been ‘worse’. They’d been put under the interrogation lights, his whole family hurtling questions at them all at the same time. Luke was barely able to keep up but Ashton answered them all in stride. It was one more of those things about Ashton that had him leaning back and watching in awe. Ashton was able to wrap Luke’s family around his finger in the amount of time it would take to snap his fingers- except Jack. Jack was a bit more wary one might say.

Luke understood his reasoning for being so cautious and slow to warm up to him. Jack was the one who was still living at home when Luke came home heartbroken from his first boyfriend. Jack was the one to threaten to beat up the scum bag without even thinking about it. When Luke felt alone at school, with not a friend in the world to be by his side, it was Jack who would lure him over to his lunch table to sit with him and his friends.

“So you play football right?” Jack asked once all of the relationship questions had been asked and answered- that aspect seeming to be under control for now. Now Luke knew his family wanted to get to know Ashton as a person, not just as his fiancé.

“Yeah, ever since I moved to the states in high school.”

“What position?” Ben asked.

“Wide receiver, I was a quarterback in high school but I really have fallen in love with wide receiver. I think there’s a bit more action to it, I mean, at least that’s what I tell myself.”

Ashton had all of the Hemmings men laughing at anecdotal stories of practice and games. Luke took that time to gauge all of his family’s reactions to Ashton. His father was completely enraptured by the stories, giving off hearty laughs and kind smiles. His mother was enamored, Luke feared she may embarrass him with this newfound fondness but tried not to dwell on it. Ben was hooked, Luke could tell if he weren’t okay with Ashton now he would be completely reeled in very soon. Jack was a stone wall, a slowly cracking and breaking stone wall. With the mention of football, anything was possible.

“Ashton really is like Julian Edelman out there,” Luke interjected, feeling the need to praise him. Now, Luke had next to no clue who or what Julian Edelman was or did, but Ashton had boasted about him and he did slightly remember that they played the same position.

Ben smirked. “Has he turned you into a Patriots fan? I expected better from you Luke.”

At that, Luke reddened, finally recalling that Edelman was a Patriot and now he was in deep shit.

“I’m working on it,” Ashton chuckled, trying to keep the mood light.

“I applaud you. I couldn’t get this boy to watch a game to save my own life. He’d rather stow away in his bedroom doing God knows what,” Andy said, his own liking of football not too wrapped up in rivalry against certain teams. He just liked the game for what it was and appreciated the players for what they could do.

“I don’t think we can have a Patriots fan in our house,” Ben teased.

“I don’t think I can have you in _my_ house,” Liz cut in to which the whole family laughed and Ben put his hands up in surrender. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to your job?”

 Ben merely laughed, “Sure, sure, once my vacation hours are up. I wouldn’t want to spend a minute away from my good ol’ family.”

The rest of dinner went smoothly, with only a few chides from Luke’s brothers about the Patriots, to which Ashton always had a rebuttal. Luke found himself fiddling with his ring as the end of dinner approached and everyone was up to do the dishes, Ashton being the first to offer Liz help. The look of pure elation on Liz’s face and her small remark about her own sons being horrible dishwashers settling a bit of the anxiety that the dinner had built in him. They were almost one night down with five more to go. So long as Luke didn’t over react to the mention of the wedding he was sure he could pull this off.

*

Luke woke the next morning to an empty side of the bed and while that was alarming at first he soon heard the sound of Ashton and his mother’s laughter drifting up from downstairs. He rubbed his eyes and smiled, tiredly stumbling his way out of bed and down the stairs not bothering to change out of his pajama pants or put on a shirt. He was met with the sight of his mother and Ashton on the couch, a photobook sat opened on their laps. While Luke was initially embarrassed at the thought of Ashton seeing him as anything other than what he was now, it was quelled when Ashton very literally cooed at a photo of Luke in his prepubescent years.

He took a seat next to Ashton silently and nuzzled himself closer to him, not caring that he was displaying affection with his mother so near to them. It was insane that only after a week Luke truly missed Ashton when he woke up, that the absence of him tangled up in the sheets beside him was ghostly. And okay, maybe he was a little grumpy because morning wasn’t his favorite time of day, and that grumpiness turned into a whine when he snuggled closer to Ashton who naturally wrapped an arm around him. It was nice- knowing that they were doing these things not to pretend to their parents that they were madly in love, but because they were well on their way to being madly in love.

“Mom, you really shouldn’t have brought out the old photos,” Luke grumbled into Ashton’s shoulder.

Liz laughed and turned the page to one of Luke in his akwarder years of life, he remembered the day the photo was captured vividly. He was at his grandmother’s house, guitar in hand, his blond hair spilling onto his face and covering his eyes as he bent over the instrument. He was elated that day, he had learned to play a new Green Day song and he couldn’t wait to show off to his family. That was about a year before YouTube entered his life, back when he was playing for the love of playing, for the thrill of mastering a new song, for venturing into song writing. Not for attention or validation from strangers.

Ashton cooed at the photo much to Luke’s reddening cheeks. Liz fawned over the memory for a moment, letting Ashton in on the backstory, the retelling sprinkled with praise for Luke’s playing. It took Liz another moment to collect herself after the story and then she gazed at her son still wrapped up in Ashton’s arms.

“I’m just so glad you’re playing again. That you’re happy,” she said.

Luke broke gazes with his mom as his sights landed on Ashton who was beaming down at him, something in his hazel eyes telling Luke that he was happy too.

*

The rest of the week only got easier and somewhere in the dark recesses of Luke’s mind he felt that it was only the calm before the storm. But when he looked at Ashton he could convince himself that this wasn’t a storm; that with just a flicker of a glance Luke felt like he was wrapped up in lazy summer days with his feet dipped in the pool and a calm surrounding him. Ashton wasn’t a storm. He was the sun that peeked through the clouds and broke apart the gray days.

It was three days before they would have to pack up and leave for school, three days more to keep up the charade that they were engaged. Three more days to wake up next to each other and let the façade fall over them, their roles of fiancé’s so easily stepped into it. It didn’t feel like an uphill battle for Luke to keep himself from jumping at the word wedding, it didn’t jar him when in casual conversation his mother would point something out and say she hoped that could be at the reception someday. It didn’t turn his stomach when he saw the ring on his finger. It did however make his heart rate quicken every time Ashton stepped into the room. It had him glowing when he saw how easily Ben had warmed up to Ashton, had him melting when he realized that Jack had finally come around to the idea of it all.

It made him stop suddenly when Jack interjected on his daze of thinking about Ashton with words of a flag football game.

“C’mon, you don’t even have to really do anything, we just need an extra body to make even teams.”

“Yeah, not happening,” Luke insisted.

“Ashton already agreed to play, you can even be on his team no questions asked. _Please_ ,” Jack pled.

And maybe it was because Luke was the youngest and inherently more of a pushover than his siblings, or perhaps it was the opportunity to see Ashton in his element up close and personal, either way, Luke cracked. “Fine, but if I get hurt, even by tripping over my own feet, I’m telling mom you coerced me into it and I wasn’t a willing participant.”

Jack roared out a laugh and grinned triumphantly, ruffling his younger brothers hair heartily and with a slightly condescending tone said, “No problem momma’s boy.”

And with those words Luke found himself in the back of Jack’s pick-up truck sandwiched between Ashton and a pile of flags, pennies, a few different footballs and Jack’s gym bag- Ben had quickly claimed shotgun when they’d headed out the door. Not that Luke minded much, he would have preferred to sit next to Ashton anyway, even if the odor emitting from Jack’s gym bag was heinous, it was just another thing that Luke could try to tease his brother about.

Soon enough they pulled into the rec center, the indoor field house already signed out by one of Jack’s friends for their usage today. As Jack and Ben hopped out, Luke grabbed for Ashton’s hand before he could.

“Please don’t let me get killed out there.”

Ashton smiled easily. “Its flag football, no one’s going to tackle you,” he said and went to open the door but stopped. “Just don’t be afraid of the ball. I’ll cover you.”

With a sigh of relief Luke followed Ashton out the door of the truck and wandered his way inside after Jack had collected all of the supplies, handing a portion of it to Luke, and while initially Luke wanted to tell Jack he wasn’t a fucking caddy he bit his tongue and followed along, already much too nervous about the game to waste any more energy on arguing. Upon entering the field house they were greeted by Jack’s friends with a chorus of _Hemmings_ and a few _bring it on’s._

These were Jack’s university buddies and Luke didn’t know them at all. It wasn’t like when Luke was in high school and could cling to Jack and his group, so easily accepted because of Jack. These guys were here to play football not make friends with a tiny shadow. They did however introduce themselves and that made Luke feel a little bit better, also that he knew Ashton was a force to be reckoned with. There was no way he would’ve been scouted for the school team and been so praised during his first season if he hadn’t been.

“These are my brothers Ben and Luke. And this is my secret weapon and an honorary Hemmings for the day, Ashton, Luke’s fiancé,” Jack introduced. It made Luke’s heart swell to hear Jack say such a thing about Ashton. Jack and Ashton had passed the ball around the day before and watched Ashton’s reel of highlights, Jack utterly impressed, which was a rare feat, especially knowing the circumstances of Luke and Ashton’s ‘engagement’.

“We’ll see how good you really are,” one of them said- Luke finally remembered he had introduced himself as Tank. Apparently it was a nickname that his frat had bestowed upon him, not only for his stature which was taller than even Luke but for the fact that he could stow away alcohol like a tank.

“Oh, he’s great,” Jack stepped up and it was already apparent what the teams were. It’d be the Hemmings and Ashton versus the rest. A good ol’ game of four on four.

Ashton secured the flags around himself and Luke, Luke stiffening as he realized the game was about to begin. Ashton pressed close to Luke and whispered, “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

And it was okay, to begin with. When they’d taken the field Jack had called QB and Ashton was obviously the go to wide receiver. Luke could have sat and picked at the turf during the first half of the game if he wanted to. No one saw him as a threat, no one so much as stirred up any of his flags because Jack so clearly wasn’t going to throw him the ball.

That is, until the last few moments of the game when Jack’s throw was thrown off course as the opponent accidently knocked into him, the ball somehow maintaining a perfect spiral, straight into Luke’s face. He heard the crunch before he felt the exploding pain in his nose, sending more stabbing pain up through his forehead. He was knocked off his feet, his dizzying vision left to that of the ceiling, and all at once Ashton with a perplexed and devastated look on his face. Instinctively Luke reached up for his nose, clutching at it, profanities spewed from his mouth uncontrollably much like the blood that was spilling onto his hands as he kicked his leg out in a writhing pain, unsure what else he could do for himself, his body flailing unknowingly.

“Luke, calm down,” Ashton instructed, his hands ghosting over Luke, trying to soothe him. “It’s gonna be okay. Sit up for me, okay?” Luke was seeing white from the impact of the hit, his head was throbbing but he listened to Ashton, the older boy telling him to go slowly, his hands supporting Luke’s back as he managed to sit up. “Let me see it.”

Luke shook his head, which was the worst idea known to mankind because white hot pain stabbed at him as he did so. Ashton gently placed his hands over Luke’s, removing them slowly, the blood already starting to slow. Luke didn’t even notice that Jack and Ben were stood behind Ashton, worry clearly written on their faces. Ashton was saying something about how he could have a fracture or even a break with a concussion but the words were going over Luke’s head, his world still slightly spinning. He was brought to his feet by Ashton and supported all the way to the truck where Jack was already there to help him up into his seat.

It was a short ride to the local hospital but the wait inside the ER felt like three and a half lifetimes to Luke. The bleeding had subsided, but the pain was still raw. The look on Ashton’s face was heartbreaking, and through his time with Ashton, Luke knew he was blaming himself for it.

“You guys really don’t have to stay and wait,” Luke insisted after almost an hour had rolled around in the waiting room.

“No way I’m leaving,” Jack refused while Ben looked unsure.

“C’mon, go home, tell mom and dad I’ll be okay- it’s probably just a fracture. Ashton will stay with me, we’ll call you when it’s all done to come pick us up.”

Jack sighed and begrudgingly gave in and with one last sympathetic look and apology headed for the door with Ben trailing him.  Luke looked over at Ashton, his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, his body hunched over in defeat.

“It’s not your fault you know,” Luke said to which Ashton flinched and straightened himself to look at Luke beside him.

“I should’ve covered you better.”

“It was an accident. Jack didn’t have any control of the ball and I certainly could have moved out of the way.”

Ashton shook his head, his eyes shooting up to the ceiling as his head tilted back. In a moment he was back to Luke, the hazel of his eyes clouded over. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Luke could feel there was a deeper meaning to the words, the choice of present tense in ‘don’t’ and the way Ashton had sought out Luke’s hand to squeeze. But Luke didn’t want to have that discussion right now, whatever that discussion might entail so he played the oblivious card. “I’ll be fine, like I said, it’s probably just a fracture.”

Ashton grumbled, “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

Luke, noting that he wasn’t going to be able to get away from this sighed. “Then what are you talking about?”

“This whole thing we have going. This whole mess of us being together but not being together but having feelings for each other, it’s so undefined and it’s driving me crazy.”

“Ashton,” Luke began but was stopped before his sentence could come out when a nurse called his name to bring him to an exam room. “We’ll talk about it later.”

*

Later didn’t come immediately after the hospital, but that night after they had lapsed into silence within each other’s embraces in Luke’s small bed. All that Luke could hear was Ashton’s even breathing, all he could feel was Ashton’s hand trailing up and down his arm with whisperingly soft touches and the dull throb in his nose. For whatever it was worth, he was right, it was just a fracture. He’d be healed up in only a matter of time- but in that time he’d been instructed to sleep on his back to avoid hurting his nose further. He lay with his head on Ashton’s chest the rest of his body angled accordingly to accommodate for the position. He had his eyes trained on the ceiling, watching the blades of his ceiling fan spin from the faint light of the hallway that crept in through the crack in the door.

In a moment of decidedness, Luke knew he had to address the elephant in the room. “I’m not hurting Ashton.”

“I’m glad your nose is okay,” Ashton responded.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Ashton shifted slightly. “What are we?”

It only took Luke a moment to respond, the right word coming to him ever so naturally. “Together.”

It seemed to Luke though, that wasn’t the right word for Ashton.

“In what sense?” Ashton questioned and Luke could hear the strain in his voice.

“Does it matter? We’re together, we’re happy… You _are_ happy right?” Luke asked, now worried that his own happiness had drowned out everything, even Ashton’s own feelings.

A tense silence filled the room as Ashton thought it over, Luke’s heart ready to break and pound out of his chest. He could hear it beating, could feel it all the way in his stomach. He waited and waited for Ashton to answer, hoping for the best but in the back of his mind expecting the worst. Yes. _No_.

“I’m scared,” Ashton said, surprising Luke on all levels. He hadn’t been expecting that.

Luke sat up slowly and twisted to face Ashton who was now doing the same, pressing his back against the headboard, his tired eyes glazed over.

Luke reached out to him. “Scared of what?”

“Scared of being so happy; that the happiness is going to leave. That you’re going to leave.”

Luke’s heart sank, reminders of whispered words from their first night together haunting him. The heartbreaking story of Ashton watching his father leave resurfaced and ached his heart, ached his whole body as he scooted closer to Ashton and pressed himself to him. All of Luke wanted to attach himself to Ashton, smoosh every part of himself to the older boy, bury his face in his neck, press kisses all over his body, but his nose throbbed and there was a slight tremble to Ashton that Luke wasn’t sure if he would be okay with being touched, and he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries or assume anything.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s what you say now, but things change. People change. You can’t promise forever when you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”

“Ashton,” Luke practically sobbed, feeling the threat of tears that were going to consume him.

Ashton sighed and began to adjust himself to lie back down. “Let’s just get some sleep. We still have a couple more days to get through.”

Luke lay back dejectedly as Ashton curled up on the edge of the bed. Luke barely noticed that tears had tracked down his cheeks, all he could feel now was the absence of Ashton even though he was so close. He could reach out for him, he was right fucking there, and yet he was as far away as he’d ever been. Luke didn’t understand any of it, but then he’d never had his world so turned upside down by someone who was supposed to be a constant, by someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally. He thought at first that he might be able to empathize, his first boyfriend had broken up with him, but the pain he felt was incomparable to the weight that Ashton would carry with him forever.

And in the morning when they woke to Liz knocking on the door and announcing that Luke’s grandma was on her way to meet Ashton, Luke was panicked. He could feel the distance between them, there was obviously something amiss. They’d walked through the Hemmings door with the sun and the stars in their eyes for each other, with fire in their veins and desire in their hearts. Now, just looking at Ashton, Luke could tell it was dulled. It was disheartening, having to go back to pretending that everything was okay and that they were in love for the world to see, when things were not okay and Luke felt like love was just a torturous fucking game. He wouldn’t blame Ashton for this, he wouldn’t even dream of it, but he still hurt and yearned for Ashton to change his mind, to see the same sense that Luke did.

 They went through the morning sluggishly getting ready for the final test. Luke’s grandma. Luke knew she wouldn’t be the challenging aspect of the evening, it would be the craterous hole between them. Even Jack and Ben had picked up on it, throwing concerned glances Luke’s way during lunch, Jack even pulling him aside and offering to beat up Ashton if he hurt him somehow. It was creepy that Jack’s senses were so in tune with Luke’s and that he could pick up on the hurt even though Luke did everything in his power to mask it. He waved it off and told him to stop worrying so much, they were fine, everything was great, Luke adding lie on top of lie until they were stacked so high he couldn’t even see the top anymore.

But all of those lies came crumbling down when Ashton and Ben passed Jack’s room where Luke and Jack had stowed themselves away for a moment of brother talk. It was so natural to see Ashton laughing with his family, so right to see him roaming the halls so comfortably in his home. Ashton was home, Ashton was Luke’s home. In a moment of utter weakness- or strength, Luke was having a hard time differentiating between the two- all of the lies and secrets came spilling out of him.

“It’s all fake even though it’s not,” Luke concluded, his body collapsing on Jack’s bed, his older brother instinctively shutting the door and guarding it when Luke’s resolve broke like an overflowing dam. He couldn’t get the words out fast enough, as if the water inside this metaphorical dam had been poisoned.

His head was spinning when he resurfaced and looked at Jack who still stood at the door with his arms crossed. Jack’s lips trembled which made Luke very confused and only more so when his older brother roared out a laugh. This laugh wasn’t condescending or vicious in any means but Luke was still hurting and he didn’t understand why his brother was laughing when this was a very serious matter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to laugh,” Jack began and finally took a seat next to Luke on the bed. He patted him on the knee and sighed. “I just don’t understand why you guys went through all this trouble for nothing.”

“It wasn’t for nothing. I really didn’t feel like coming home and explaining to mom and dad that I’m not really engaged and the only reason that photo was posted was because I was drunk during exam week.”

“Wouldn’t that have been easier than living in a lie though?” Jack asked, which Luke kind of knew to be true but he rolled his eyes because his older brother shouldn’t be right about _everything._ “But I really don’t see the trouble here. You obviously mean the world to each other. Just admit it, define it, whatever the hell you two need to stay together, because I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

“I tried talking to him about it, but it- I just- it seems like we c _an’t_.”

Jack shook his head disapprovingly, “Then you’re not really trying.”

Luke was annoyed by the wise words of his older brother, how he was laughing this off like it was nothing, that to fix it all would only take a few words exchanged between them when it felt like there weren’t enough words to even be said.

Jack stood and walked towards the door, not leaving without one last bit of advice. “Whatever you decide to do or say, don’t let him get away. You’re meant for each other. I can tell.”

Luke decompressed after his chat with Jack who was sent off to pick up their grandmother, it felt like Jack was right and wrong all at the same time. He didn’t understand how this could seem so easy from an outsider’s perspective, _just talk to him,_ when from the inside he felt like the whole universe was falling down around him. He decided he would talk to him, once the day was over and the tension of meeting his grandmother was wound down, and if he chickened out like in the back of his mind he thought he would, he would have to live with the repercussions.

They just needed to make it through the next couple of days and then they could wallow in their misery back at the dorms. Or, if Luke were rational and not such a mess he could talk to Ashton and work it all out, but that was the last thing on his mind when he saw his grandmother’s car pull in the driveway. When she came to the states at her time share during spring and Christmas break she always refused to let anyone drive her around, so consequently she was now driving Jack’s truck and the hilarity of seeing his grandmother behind the wheel of a huge pick-up truck never failed to make Luke smile. He wasn’t sure how she managed- other than the cushion on her seat to be able to see past the steering wheel. But his spirit was lifted when she got out of the truck and approached the door, Ashton now staying close to Luke’s side, knowing they were in the home stretch of it all.

The door opened and immediately her arms were wide open, already cooing at her grandsons. Luke gratefully accepted a hug and let her coddle him for a few moments before stepping back to introduce Ashton. Ashton was quieter than usual, or perhaps it was his grandmother’s loud personality that drowned him out, either way it became apparent that his grandmother was hooked, line, and sunk into their whole love plot. She rambled on and on about the wedding, this time Ashton was the one who had an uncomfortable demeanor. Luke could tell Ashton’s mask was cracking, he just didn’t know how long it’d be before the whole thing fell away.

Liz had prepared an immaculate meal to appease her mother, going to great lengths to try and impress her when it wasn’t truly necessary. Luke was sure the old woman would love whatever was cooked up, be it the fancy meal Liz had prepared or toast made and burnt by Luke- he’d never really gotten the knack for that.  

Dinner had begun smoothly, it was all okay, Ashton and Luke not completely tense around each other and were able to keep up the charade enough to convince Luke’s grandmother, Jack throwing comforting looks Luke’s way. It was surprising how well Jack had taken the news of the engagement being fake, Luke thought for sure he would have felt some form of betrayal because up until that point in their lives Luke had shared everything with Jack, and when he said everything, he truly meant it. Down to Jack being the first of his family he came out to, all the way to Luke dropping his pants in front of him at fifteen years old to ask if the mole on his ass looked suspicious. _Everything._

But that had always been the kind of older brother Jack had been, he must have known there was something more going on between him and Ashton and in his valiant efforts as an older brother, had given Luke enough time to tell him on his own. Or, at least that’s what Luke genuinely thought. Things only became a little off when Luke’s grandmother- bless her soul- launched into the telling of her wedding and how she wanted this and that for Luke and Ashton, if Liz and Anne had been excited and mentioning wedding details then Luke’s grandmother had actually begun to pick out tuxes.

“You can have it on the beach! That’s where your grandpa and I got married, over fifty years ago now. He would have loved to see you so happy.”

Luke was nodding along trying to keep himself in check all the while checking Ashton’s demeanor. He was… okay. He didn’t look like the world was crashing in on him but he certainly didn’t look like he could bear the weight of this whole game anymore. Because that’s what it had become. Just a game. Keep up the appearances, follow the rules, and get to the next space. Luke was tired of it. There had been intermissions in this game where Luke thought they were making progress on the spectrum of reality but it always came back down to what they had to do; pretend. Once dessert had rolled around Luke had managed to scoot his chair as close to Ashton as possible, he needed to speak with him but he knew they couldn’t just get up and leave in the middle of it all.

In a moment where laughter was appropriate and everyone was distracted, Luke leaned into Ashton and whispered, “We need to talk.”

The look Ashton gave Luke clued him in on the fact that Ashton knew exactly what they needed to talk about. He nodded barely noticeably and looked down at his plate, scraping at what was left of dessert. Luke’s grandma had asked them a question, something about the engagement, and while Ashton usually took the reins on those questions, it was Luke’s turn to answer. He flung an arm around Ashton and tried his best to keep the lie going. It worked, whatever reservations or newfound obstacles they had blocking their path, they prevailed through the lie. It was tedious and heartbreaking, watching his grandmother’s face light up at stories that were simply that, just stories. It was agonizing knowing that he didn’t share this romantic story with Ashton and that they may never.

Somehow though, they made it through the rest of the evening in relatively one piece. Soon enough Luke’s grandma was saying her goodbyes, Luke liked to pride himself on the fact that he thought he was her favorite, when in reality she probably loved them all equally- but Luke would revel in the fact that she spent just a little bit longer saying goodbye to him.

“I want all the updates on the wedding! Don’t leave me out,” she warned and scolded all at the same time. Luke would never be able to live down having announced this engagement on the internet. “And Ashton, my lovely almost grandson in law, come here.”

Luke’s grandma wrapped him in one last hug before she bid her final farewells and took off with Jack back to her time share. It was a breath of relief to see the truck pull out of the driveway but that breath of relief was stalled when Ashton tapped him on the back and delivered him a look that said they needed to talk right then and there. Luke fiddled with his ring all the way to his bedroom only pausing to shut the door firmly behind him. He had a million thoughts racing through his mind, a million scenarios of how this may play out swirling before his eyes, and they all seemed to end in flames. He couldn’t convince himself this would end in happiness for either of them.

“So what happens tomorrow?” Ashton finally asked, breaking whatever tension and silence that had settled around them.

Luke’s shoulders sagged and he sighed tiredly, ready to tell Ashton he actually didn’t want to talk about it and climb into bed and never come back out. But, he needed to face this head on or he may never get the chance. And that thought in itself was more agonizing than telling the truth and being rejected. It was more painful to think he’d never be honest than to have his whole world spun off course and thrown so far away from the sun he’d never see the light again. He stumbled over to his bed where Ashton was patiently sat, awaiting an answer with his hands folded on his lap. Luke held in a sarcastic laugh when Ashton’s position reminded him of that of a young school boy. He really didn’t need to laugh in this current situation.

“What do you want to happen tomorrow?” Luke questioned.

In Luke’s worked up fantasy of how this whole thing would play out, they would admit their feelings to each other right then and there, he’d keep the ring and they’d get married tomorrow. But that was fantasy and reality was now staring him in the face, hazel eyes wide in astonishment, as if he wasn’t expecting to be asked what he wanted. And Luke thought maybe he wasn’t. Maybe Ashton had never been asked what he wanted, he’d grown up quickly; he’d catered to his younger siblings. Maybe he’d never been given the chance to have all he wanted. If it were up to Luke, he’d give him the world at his request.

 “I want us to be normal.”

Luke went stoic still, all of the heat leaving his body, cold creeping around him, his face draining of all color.

“I want all of _this_ ,” Ashton said grabbing for Luke’s hand and showing him the ring. “To be our normal. I don’t want to pretend that we’re engaged anymore, I don’t want to pretend that we have feelings for each other or that we don’t when we do. I want us to find what’s normal for us. _Together._ ”

“Together?” Luke finally broke, the word more of a croak than anything.

“Yes. Together. We don’t have to get married or even stay fake engaged, but I want to be with you, in every sense of the word.”

“I think we can manage to do that,” Luke said with light shimmering in his eyes and his heart fluttering in his chest in an attempt to escape and hand itself over to Ashton who Luke was sure would welcome it.

“Good,” Ashton finalized, leaning closer and closer to Luke ever so slowly, slowly enough to drive Luke insane.

Luke hadn’t had enough of Ashton in the small doses he was given. Luke didn’t think he’d ever be able to get enough of Ashton, but with the boy hovering so painfully close to his lips he didn’t have the patience to figure that out. Luke carefully pulled Ashton to him by his shirt, their lips finally meeting with no secrets or lies between them. It was electrifying the way Ashton kissed Luke, their fervor for each other undeniable and hotter than the fucking sun. They were sizzling and melting into each other with roaming hands and bumping noses which they didn’t even mind enough to break the heavy kiss. Luke felt in that moment that Ashton’s touch was his life float and if he let go he would slip away into dark and unknown seas. He wanted to hang on, to feel the sun on the surface of a clear shore.

Ashton broke their kiss enough to mumble into Luke’s lips, “I like you. Like, a lot.”

Luke cracked a grin and chuckled, hiding his face in Ashton’s neck which elicited a whine from him. Ashton’s hands came to tangle in Luke’s hair as he pressed a small kiss to Ashton’s pulse point.

“I’d hope you do. We are engaged after all,” Luke said and finally looked up to Ashton who merely smirked, his eyes trained on Luke’s lips.

“We’ll see what happens tomorrow,” Ashton said coyly which made Luke shake his head.

“We’ll find our normal,” Luke promised, knowing that Ashton was joking, but Luke felt compelled to say the words anyway. They would find their normal. Even if it was chaotic.

*

Normal was packing their bags and saying their goodbyes to Luke’s family, normal was driving away with their hands entwined on the console of the Jeep. Normal was unpacking their bags at the dorm and finding a way to push their beds together without obstructing the rest of the room. Normal was finishing off the semester and spending their summer split with Ashton’s family and Luke’s. Normal was Luke strumming his guitar all the while flung across Ashton’s lap. Normal was a going apartment hunting for the next semester so they wouldn’t have to be confined to a tiny dorm room. Normal was Michael and Calum cracking jokes about their drunken engagement. Normal was the silver ring still on Luke’s ring finger.

On a perfectly normal day in their perfectly normal apartment during their last year of college, Ashton asked Luke a perfectly normal question.

Ashton rushed out of their bedroom, an abundance of ties in his hands, ones with stripes and ones with patterns and ones with solid colors. Luke, who had been previously slumped over on the couch looking at his phone, looked up at Ashton in question.

“Which tie should I wear to the wedding?”

Luke lazily scanned the ties, not so focused on the question at hand but more at the exasperated look on Ashton’s face. He was taking this very seriously.

“Doesn’t matter, you’ll look amazing in any of them.”

“Luke,” Ashton whined, rolling his eyes at Luke’s disinterest. “It’s Calum and Michael’s big day and we’re the best men. We need to decide on matching ones so we look put together.”

Luke sat up straighter and motioned for Ashton to join him. Ashton begrudgingly did so, sitting in Luke’s lap and spreading the ties out on the coffee table for Luke to look at.

“Besides, this will be good practice for our wedding.”

Luke’s tummy fluttered and he automatically smiled at the thought of Ashton in suit and tie at the altar of their wedding. He leaned into Ashton’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Ashton’s middle and thinking it over, now taking the question very seriously as well. There was only a few months left until summer, a few months left until the beach would be warm enough for their ceremony, a few months until they would say ‘I do’.

“I like the blue one,” Luke commented, pointing at the royal blue tie that he knew Ashton had been eyeing during the week.

“Me too,” Ashton nodded and pulled it from the pile of ties. He turned to Luke and held it up to him. “It looks good with your eyes.”

“But,” Luke began and Ashton dropped the tie. “I think for our wedding we should go with gold.”

Ashton nodded and looked down, something obviously bothering him. Luke didn’t ask though, his silence was enough to coax it out of him. Ashton would always tell Luke what was wrong, it was only a matter of time. They’d learned to communicate, sure they both bickered and said they each didn’t _listen_ to each other very often, but they’d made great strides in talking things out.

“Do you think we should tell our families it was all fake at first?” Ashton asked.

Luke’s eyes widened and he immediately shook his head. “Not no, but hell fucking no.”

They’d had this discussion over and over as their relationship grew and the weight of the ring on Luke’s finger became realer. They’d always decided that it wasn’t really anyone’s business but their own. Of course Jack knew, and Luke had admitted to Ashton that he told him, but other than that their families had been completely in the dark. Luke had once or twice joked that they should have Michael or Calum spill it during their best man speech, and while Ashton had laughed it off, it seemed a more likely scenario than Luke and Ashton telling the truth.

Ashton slightly laughed at that answer but it subsided quickly and shrugged. “It doesn’t feel like we’re lying to them anymore. It’s more of just a secret right? They don’t _need_ to know about it.”

Luke cupped Ashton’s face and looked deeply at him. “I always liked you. The feelings were never fake. Just the proposal. And our whole back story, and oh shit, we’re still lying aren’t we?”

Ashton scrunched up his face and contemplated, it took everything in Luke to not pinch his cheeks, there was just something about Ashton in an oversized sweater and bed head that made Luke want to baby him. “I like your idea. Let’s get Michael to announce it.”

“It was his fault anyway,” Luke defended, his hands now trailing down Ashton, coming to rest on his bare thighs.

“We’re grown ass adults and completely in love with each other. That’s the important part. That our parents can’t ground us anymore.”

Luke laughed at Ashton’s words and pulled him down with him, Luke’s back hitting the cushions of the couch, Ashton falling on top of him. Luke knew Ashton wasn’t opposed to being the little spoon but it always ended with him as the big spoon. Whether Ashton wiggled his way into the position or he bargained with Luke for it. But not tonight. Luke wanted nothing more than to hold Ashton.

“Can I say that in our vows? That we’re grown ass adults completely in love with each other? It’s quite beautiful isn’t it?” Luke joked.

“You will not say ‘ass’ in our ceremony,” Ashton reprimanded. “Not unless after you say ‘I do’ I get to spike a football in celebration.”

“You gonna let it hit me in the face again?” Luke teased.

“If you keep being a smart ass, then yeah, I might,” Ashton laughed and pressed himself closer to Luke. They were silent for a moment, only their heartbeats between them. “I love you, Luke. You and your smart ass.”

“I love you, _fiancé_ ,” Luke whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!  
> [Tumblr!](lashtonsillusion.tumblr.com)


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